I recently had something open my eyes more so than any other situation, writing, thought or video could. I had a person who I considered family walk away because I chose to speak the truth. I talked about how I felt, what I saw and what I deemed so right there in everyone’s face. I dared ask questions, call people out and hold those around me to standards of honesty and fairness. We tried having a discussion afterwards and it resorted to her calling trigger and stating that my views of certain things were “troubling”. I realized after that I was not gonna get any where with her and realized I was wrong. What was I wrong about? The very existence of NAFALT. Now I know that NAFALT is bullshit. Yes they are, they ALL are! And yet I wanted to believe otherwise. Why, because of her. I considered her my sister. I considered her someone who WAS all about equality. She isn’t though and I am an honest adult who can admit when I am wrong.
Long before I started to openly speak about what I saw I was I guess what you would say neutral. When we were first getting to know each other I knew of her activism and her days learning about “gender studies” (or as I like to call it feminism brainwashing). I wanted to believe she was a good person so with that I assumed those things were good. I mean good people don’t make hateful mistakes, right? Yeah. I know. But I wanted so bad to believe this I lied to myself.
I was, at the time blind to the truth about feminism. I assumed feminism was a good thing but didn’t find it to be needed any longer. I mean we are all equal people, right? I was right about one thing! I wasn’t a feminist myself and identified more as an old fashioned lady with trad views and expectations. I considered myself someone who celebrated my fiance’s chivalrous behavior and stated I had no expectations of those actions, only admiration. I know now how wrong I was. Even though I stated I did not expect chivalry from any man I did equate his worth of a human and his being a good person to if he acted in such a way or not. I belonged to another site and found myself under constant fire from rad fems as a result. They shouted how chivalry was an insult to women. I shouted that chivalry is respect to women. I slowly realized the whole debate focused on women, but what about men? I started to research things and that with a mixture of anger at insane feminists led me to GWW. I started to re-evaluate my views and pick them apart. I owned that, even though I said I admired men who were “gentlemen” it was more of an expectation. An expectation based on gender. That is wrong. I still wasn’t loud about things but I did start to change my views.
I continued to stand up for men in these discussions but instead of expecting them to be a certain way I stood up for them not being sexist pigs. I let them know that showing appreciation for the women in their lives in a way that is different than some like is ok. I let them know that they are not assholes or bad people for viewing things the way they did and they did not HAVE to do it if they didn’t want to. I noticed I was getting even more hate. How dare I speak up and tell men they are good people? How dare I speak about double standards in expectations based on gender and how unfair it is to expect things of men because of penis while crying about things being expected of you cause vagina? How dare I not tell men they are rapists or jerks or misogynists? The more hate I got the more angry I got. My love and I had never really talked about gender ideology or social views in that construct before. We never really said either way how we viewed feminism. I remember the first time I said something. I was scared. I recall telling him I might sound like a bad person before saying I thought feminism was bullshit. I swear to god I saw nothing but fucking relief across his face. We spent at least an hour agreeing with each other. I can not begin to say how relieved I was too!
My anger only continued to grow as I heard more and more bullshit. hashtags like kill all men, people saying die cis scum and the ever silencing method of telling men about their privilege when ever they spoke. These are things said to good men, good men like my fiance, my best friend, my brothers. These are men who I care about and love and who’s problems are real. These are men who I have great respect for, who have been there for me and who I want to be there for. I want nothing more than to one day marry the love of my life officially. We already consider each other bonded for life and I hope every day to be a wonderful best friend, partner in life and cheerleader for him and all he does. To me he is my life, my love, my everything. To feminists he is a problem, a rapist, an asshole. I know there are other amazing men like him and as I continue to speak I meet more and more of them along with amazing women who also see men as individual people instead of a collective oppressive unit.
I began to speak openly and angrily. She ignored it. I told her outright and she plugged her ears and wouldn’t listen. She told me that it wasn’t that I was anti feminist, it was that I disagreed with the loud crazy ones but that no woman could be against feminism and proceeded to tell me all about her feminist, GLBT and racial activism. By that point I realized I wasn’t going to get any where and just waited for the bullshit to be over. I was mad, not gonna lie. But I didn’t see the point in arguing. Some people don’t want to hear things and no matter how many times you say it they will excuse it away and tell you why you are wrong. I didn’t let that deter me though and kept saying what I say. I know she didn’t like it and so was the beginning of the end of our sisterhood.
The number one thing I regret now is letting her silence me. I let her think she could tell me who I am and what I agree. I also regret not telling her sooner. Above all though, I regret that this has caused my love pain too. She was his sister too and her temper tantrum has caused him some negative feelings. I now know I needed to see this and I don’t know, may he did too. I needed to see first hand that NAFALT isn’t reality. All feminists ARE like that. They can’t handle logic, reality or criticism. She always touted herself as someone who valued honesty, even if it was harsh. Hell, especially when it was harsh! She sure dished it to me once or twice. I thought she could also take it and boy, was I wrong. She sure can be a bitch and yet when you use a bit of her bitchy honesty back onto her she cries and shrivels up and shouts trigger! She also thought she could say she never diminished male rape/abuse victims all while doing exactly that. Yeah, she didn’t like being called out on that one either, let me tell you!
I learned the hard way to never give special treatment to others and to not ever lose sight of the truth. The truth is feminism is a hate movement. Would I let a loved one get away with joining the Neo Nazis? Would I let a loved one get away with murdering people, beating puppies or molesting children? Somethings are just bad, no matter what and we can’t let others get away with things because we want to believe them to be good people. Some people aren’t good and some people do bad things due to brain washing or a false way of thinking. Do I think she wants to believe that what she does is good? Yes I do. We all want to believe that. We have to hold ourselves accountable the same way we do others. We have to look for proof to validate if we are indeed doing the right thing. Anyone can say anything. Anyone can say a statement, an idea, a notion. We have to look to facts to back up those statements, ideas, notions. That is one of the many faults feminism has. It refuses to look at facts and chooses instead to create their own sudo-facts. And that is one of the many faults in individual feminists, the refusal to verify facts and ask for proof.
If there is any annoyance I have with people it is believing anything and everything. Taking a statement at face value and buying it because reasons. Question, research, demand proof. If you parrot without a single question you have given away your mind to cultish thinking and I will ALWAYS point that out when I see it! I was there once and yet I still can’t understand people who sell their brains so fucking easily!